Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
