My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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