dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
