her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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