you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
