She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
