i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
