do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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