can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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