Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize