i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
