He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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