i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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