How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
