nut hugger
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
