yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize