That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
