I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
