I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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