i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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