Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
