your thong is hanging out like whoa
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
