hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
