Cold hands, warm shart.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
