ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
