Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
