I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
