FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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