Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
