you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
