I think im going to throw up on grandma
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
