I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
