wakey wakey hands off snakey
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
