I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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