Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
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