My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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