Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm like, not good at living.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
