Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
