Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
