Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize