How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize