I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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