I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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