We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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