I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
