Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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