I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
