he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize