Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
