so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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