Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
