I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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