Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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