I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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