when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
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