Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize