put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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