you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Randomize
