Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
