The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
