I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
