i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
