I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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