I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
