i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
