My room smells like vodka and shame
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
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