Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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