She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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