Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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